Frustrated Mom| Lazy Teens

Captain’s Log

Monday, August 16th, 2021

I believe I have won the battle on glassware for the moment, but am losing the war in my pursuit of domesticating my offspring. I am disheartened to report that towels have replaced cups in the most used household item. I am becoming, as the kids say, triggered, by the sight of them.

Beach towels are the highest casualty at the moment, I find them in vehicles, on the deck, damp in backpacks, or left lying by the front door festering into moist little nests for earwigs. I fear they are beginning to multiply like Gremlins, I have beach towels that I have no clue where they came from and when I ask who they belong no one seems to know. It’s like my laundry room has become a home for wayward towels.

Bath Towels do not seem to be faring much better. This could also be due to the fact that 75% of my crew cannot distinguish between a beach and a bath towel and like to use them interchangeably.

I am in a constant state of awe at how hard this crew works at literally doing the exact opposite of what I ask. It’s like they find pleasure in watching my head rotate 360 degrees while I breathe fire.

I have scoured the world wide web in my quest for an answer to this plight that I am facing. After reading blog posts, Twitter feeds and Facebook Forums I have come up with a 4 step trial plan to curb this most unwanted behaviour.

1. Each crew member will be given 2 towels a week, one bath and one beach. The rest will be under lock and Key.

2. Each crew member will only be given one reminder per week.

3. Commanding officers will no longer come to the aid of screaming crew members when earwigs have been discovered.

4. If a wet towel is found on the floor it will be lovingly placed on the pillow of the guilty party in a passive manner.

If these new measures are not effective I will be forced to resort to harsher methods such as;

1 towel = 1 hour shaved off of curfew

2 towel= revoked car privileges.

It was truly a blessing that they failed bathroom checks this weekend on top of the towel infractions because I was itching to express my disappointment. My punishment, manual labour. I made the entire crew deep clean every corner of the basement until I was completely satisfied.

There were huffs of annoyance and whispers of mutiny, but I think the wild fury in my eyes kept them in line. The Duchess even commented on “how scary your cleaning mode is.”

I will keep you all abreast of my progress in the weeks to come. Wish me luck.