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Haliburton Happenings: Laughter, Family and Long Weekends

Experience a family weekend in Haliburton with teenagers – fun, adventure, and bonding await

Monday, September 11th, 2023

Captain’s Log

The crew of the Shitshow decided to embark on a daring adventure: a weekend getaway to Haliburton. This expedition promised an enthralling mix of extended family chaos, bike rides that doubled as way too much cardio, and, the pièce de résistance, a wedding. Number 2 and his brother, displaying unparalleled initiative, rose to the occasion and secured a spectacular Airbnb that could make even the most skeptical traveler shed a tear of joy. They were so thoughtful that they even booked themselves an extra evening, which translated to all the girls (really the wives only) getting a rare night free from the boys' charming but somewhat bewildering antics.

With the boys off on their adventure, an evening unfurled before us ladies like a lush, blank canvas waiting for our artistic endeavors. We promptly staked our claim on the sofa and TV remote, firmly establishing our reign over the living room kingdom. As for myself, I seized this golden opportunity to invest in a new emotional support Yeti water bottle (because hydration is vital, even during weekend escapades) and take a thrilling leap into uncharted territory – a subscription to a new channel on Prime Video.

With my Yeti by my side, the Duchess and I celebrated our newfound freedom in style. We indulged in what can only be described as a culinary masterpiece: a classic Girl Dinner sourced from the grocery store's freezer section, paired with a generous serving of ice cream for dessert.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, we embarked on an epic journey into the world of true crime documentaries, where suspense and intrigue danced hand in hand. It was a night of criminal masterminds, unsolved mysteries, and hastily whispered theories—all while cuddled up in the comfiest blankets we could find.

I may have left all the exterior lights on because as a serious Murderino-safety first!

In the end, it was a perfect prelude to what promised to be a spectacular long weekend. The boys had their adventures, but we ladies conquered the couch, the remote, and our guilty pleasures, emerging victorious and ready for whatever chaos the Haliburton weekend had in store.

I am thrilled to report that The Duchess and her cousin worked on testing their espionage skills throughout the weekend. I discovered that each evening before lights out, they would have a debriefing in their cabin to discuss all the family gossip they acquire throughout the day. They were awarded top marks for their ingenuity in using their air pods and teenage angst as subterfuge. It was sheer brilliance: they hid in plain sight by sitting with moody, uninterested expressions, looking bored and annoyed that they had been sentenced to attend a family function against their will. Little did anyone suspect that beneath those disinterested exteriors, they were not listening to music. Instead, they were eavesdropping on the hushed conversations happening all around them. For their audacious endeavour, they have been awarded extra T.P. rations.

Meanwhile, Relic seems to have effortlessly slipped back into student life, enjoying the freedom of living independently for the first time while still enjoying his access to my Amazon account and the attached visa card. This is this second week back at university, and enthusiasm is high. We're gearing up for a road trip later this week to drop off the rest of his "stuff" (let's be honest, it's mostly crap) and, of course, to conduct a highly anticipated cabin check.

Regarding cabin checks, we're knee-deep in what can only be described as a team-building exercise gone wrong. We've decided to relocate the Duchess into Relic’s Den of Dust and Debris and realize it will be a larger project than we initially anticipated. Picture a horror scene where even the dust bunnies have mutated into dust jackrabbits, and the trash pile rivals the size of a small mountain. No wonder Relic had allergies at home; his cabin was a nature reserve for everything dusty and discarded.

But fear not, dear friends, for we're taking Relic on a downsizing adventure! We're moving him into a smaller cabin, where his prized possessions will have to learn to cozy up with each other because there's simply not enough real estate to display his crap. It's like a high-stakes game of Tetris but with empty Nike shoe boxes and mismatched socks. Here's to a clutter-free and allergen-reduced future for Relic!

Ah, the wedding, my dear friend! It was quite possibly the most exquisite affair I've ever had the privilege to attend. The stars aligned, the flowers bloomed in perfect harmony, and the cake tasted like a slice of heaven. It was so stunning that even the Duchess couldn't help but be moved, though we thoroughly embarrassed her by dancing like there was no tomorrow.

But let me tell you, my brother-in-law emerged as the unsung hero of the night. He embraced the mission with unparalleled dedication, ensuring that his daughters were equally horrified by our dance floor antics. He's an absolute legend and has firmly secured the title of "favourite brother-in-law."

As for us, dear reader, please send good vibes and a dose of luck. We promise not to keep you waiting so long for future updates filled with more escapades, laughter, and potentially cringe-worthy dance moves. Until then, xoxoxo!

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