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Tuesday, May 20th, 2021

Captain’s log

The weather over the past week has been absolutely spectacular, similarly to the attitude aboard the ship. Moods were so high that we managed to get the entire crew out of bed early Sunday morning and out for a hike before 7:45 am, without complaint.

I must report however I’m a bit suspicious of all this cheeriness as any sane Captain should be. It’s rather eerie aboard the ship, almost been too cheery and makes me especially nervous when both of my spawns are not dissatisfied with my presence at the same time. I much prefer when they pass that relay baton of bad attitude back and forth. Easier on moral and reduces the chance I’ll eat my young simultaneously.

I am pleased to report almost zero eye-rolling this week and not once did they huff when asked to walk their dog. In fact, Relic went as far as to volunteer to walk the dog with Number 2 on several occasions this week.

Furthermore, I came home the other day to discover that they’d cleaned up their lunch mess. I was shocked to find zero pots hardened with KD or frozen pizza boxes lying on the counters. Kind of threw me off, like I boarded the wrong ship.

So far I've ruled out any criminal activity as they haven’t taken up doing their own laundry, hanging up wet towels or reducing their daily glassware consumption. Lockdown rules out buttering me up to supply party essentials or to have friends over, so this leads me to believe that they are most likely gearing up to show me an online shopping cart they’d like my credit card for.

I will keep you updated on my findings.

I miss your face, I can’t feel mine. xoxoxo

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