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Wednesday, December 16th, 2020

Captain’s log

I feel it necessary to document some strange happenings aboard the ship this evening.

Number 2 reported the first anomaly to me this afternoon. Claiming that when the crew came home from school today , they both pleasantly acknowledged each other and asked how their respective days went.

I listened to his briefing and found myself smiling while dreamily commenting on how sweet our spawn are. Basking in this new stage and praising our brilliant parenting skills.

I thought to myself: Look at how great our kids are, they are so sweet and respectful to each other. Bravo us.

However, over the past few hours things seem to have escalated. I may have poured the celebratory wine prematurely.

Approximately 20 mins prior to dinner Relic emerged from his cave asking his father if he’d like to go take the dog for a walk.

Number 2 informed him that the dog had already been fed and walked , to which relic replied “ no worries, I’ll take him later“


At this point I decided to put the ship on High alert and proceed to checked there wasn’t a full moon, and my wine intake.

1 glass. The moon is not full. WTF.

The evening progressed, and dinner was a happy affair. Zero complaints were logged and everyone ate everything on their plates. The Dutchess went as far as to compliment me on the new smashed Brussels sprout recipe I tried.

My suspicions have now moved to Defcon 2. That girl never gives compliments, and certainly never to me. At this point I’m certain I’m being punked.

Then while enjoying the last few sips of my merlot I noticed that Relic had started to fill the sink, while dawning my pink rubber gloves. It took a second for me to process what I was seeing as he reached for the Sunlight dish soap.

More shocking yet, The Dutchess was clearing plates, without being asked.


No one was whipped by a towel, or flaked off to take a dump. One washed, and one dried there wasn’t even a tear shed.

I’m am now left sitting alone in the living room , anxious and confused. These are uncharted waters.

I find myself staring at a decently clean kitchen wondering if I need to buy a lotto ticket.

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