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TEENAGE DRIVER ALERT!

Updated: Aug 23, 2021

Sunday, July 18th, 2021

Captain’s Log


We’ve sailed into new and uncharted waters this week and I’m unsure as to whether or not this new territory is hostile or friendly.


Relic took his G2 driver’s exam on Friday and passed with flying colours. This win has absolutely nothing to do with me as I am hands down the worst teacher ever to have existed on planet earth. I give 100% credit to the boy for being an excellent student and to the money well spent on Young Drivers Of Canada. If you are on the fence about the hefty price tag and are like me and use yelling and swearing as your go-to methods of educating your spawn, then spend the money, I assure you will not regret it. Bonus is the discount that will be applied to your car insurance which will skyrocket.


My sage advice this week is;





The overwhelming pride and excitement that I felt for him when I heard the good news was only slightly more intense than the crippling fear and anxiety that accompanied it. I mean holy shit, my son is now driving solo with the rest of the world. I find this overwhelmingly terrifying. This learning stage was certainly not in the new baby handbook.


Number 2, the ship’s ever-present voice of reason, did an excellent job of reminding me of how exciting it was when we got to take that frist solo ride and then handed me a large glass of wine as Relic took the Duchess for the maiden voyage. As I sucked back that pinot I took solace in the fact that I could have another because I was no longer needed to pick him up later that evening.


The Duchess has very much enjoyed this new development aboard the ship as it now means she can cash in all the (not selfless) things she did for her fellow crew member while he was in quarantine. This weekend that included a dollar cone fun from McDonald’s, next weekend who knows, the options are limitless.


As our weekend progressed the fear remained ever-present in the back of my mind but was slowly overshadowed by the perks of having a third driver aboard.


  1. Forgot an item on your grocery list? No worries, there’s a teen for that.

  2. Don’t want to grocery shop. No worries, there’s a teen for that.

  3. Siblings have somewhere they need to be and you don’t want to get back in the car. No worries, there’s a teen for that.

  4. Forgot to fill the gas tank for the week. Don’t stress, there’s a teen for that.


As we sail on we now face the new challenge of car sharing. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes, I fear it will be interesting.


I will update you on our adventure to Ottawa later this week, it’s turned into a rather long report.

I miss your face, I can’t feel mine.







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