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Wednesday, August 8th, 2023
Captain’s Log
The empty-nester era is over. The Duchess is home, and I swear she’s grown. I ended up heading to the airport to meet her and her travelling companions, and I’m thrilled to report that she missed me. She ran to me and said, "I missed you” (out loud, for actual people to hear). I died. Just dropped dead. I never thought I would hear her say those words to me. Almost made up for the fact that she barely talked to me the entire month she was away. I capitalized on every hug and snuggle I could get. Once she’d had a good night's sleep, the romance of being home was over, as was her love and affection for me. Jet lag, a travelling side effect not felt by teenagers, she was ready to head into town by Tuesday afternoon to see her friends.
Relic is happy to have his sister home, missing her, and their mutual love for terrorizing me made sure to spend as much time with her that his 7-day-a-week work schedule would allow. They quickly bickered and complained about each other's bathroom etiquette and whose turn it was to walk the dog. It’s back to our regular scheduled programming, I guess.
I witnessed her greasing her brother's palm with cash, and I pretended I didn’t notice. I don’t need to be Jessica Fletcher to know that some shady transactions are occurring, and I’m pretty sure she’s not paying him off to clean the bathroom. I think it’s time for Cabin checks. I’ll plan a surprise raid for tomorrow evening to keep them on their toes.
Taylor Swift announced her Canadian tour dates, which had the Duchess actively recruiting (demanding) that each crew member sign up for a verified account with Ticketmaster. I am not sure the world will continue to spin if she doesn’t get tickets. I’ve already listed all my expendable organs on the black market for sale to ensure we can afford the tickets. Wish us good luck because, as of this report, we are currently wait-listed.
I'll be power-cleaning the ship if anyone needs me in the next 48 hours. The Admiral is making her quarterly visit, and this ship may or may not look like an episode of Hoarders.